Rolling Heavy: Vans in Skateboarding (not the shoes) – Van Shopping

A few years ago, I went full vanner. I sold my stuff, quit my job, moved out of my house, and took off with little more than some cameras, my skateboard, a laptop, and various camping supplies. It was my big adventure.

After a bit more than a year, 44 states, and a handful of decent stories, I’m back in Tampa, FL. The van, a well-kept late model Dodge conversion-style (decked out with a leather bed, disco lights, and a TV), was totaled when some drunken sorority girls crashed their Jeep Grand Cherokee into me while I was snoozing outside of a bar in Asheville, North Carolina. Desperate for some wheels, but trying to keep some van-esque spirit in my ride, I purchased a dinged up Honda Element from a pregnant Puerto Rican woman in Marco Island, FL.

The Element is a dork-mobile. For what it lacks in horsepower, cool points and sex appeal, it makes up for in, well…basically nothing. I guess you can fit a lot of stuff in it, but the same can be said for your great grandmother’s Volvo station wagon.

Originally, I thought it would be a perfect automobile: Honda reliability, great gas mileage, and the option to sleep in the back. All of this would be well worth the investment for a Toaster Box.

Unfortunately, this Honda was beat to crap by the Pregger Rican woman. I’ve broken down twice and sleeping in the back is pretty miserable, especially when I think back to my “Sweet Ass Van.” In short – it’s time to buy some new wheels.

Start Shopping

When you’re looking to purchase a vehicle it’s a good idea to steer clear of car dealerships, as it can get pricey. If you can’t afford to buy a car and need to do car payments, think again. You should buy a scooter, take up bicycling, or invest in a nice set of 65mm wheels for your cruiser board.

When you’re car (or van) shopping, the best thing to do is ask around to friends and family to see if anyone knows of any cool rides available. You’d be surprised what is parked behind some of your best friends’ houses, just waiting to be washed up and cruised. If this ends up bunk, it’s time to hit the Internet.

Candidates

So, I know I want a van. That much is clear, but the options for what kind of van to purchase is so vast, it is hard to narrow it down. If you read the first Rolling Heavy Article, you know that mini-vans are out due to the dweeb factor. VW Busses, Eurovans and Sprinters are a no-go either, because I either can’t afford to purchase them, or can’t pay for the maintenance.

Basically, it’s down to three types of vans: A full size van, a conversion van, or a classic "Heavy Roller."

The coolest of the three is, without much doubt, the Heavy Roller. These vans are growing in popularity as fast as the beards of the men who drive them. Part of the reason for this is that these classics from the 60s - late 70s demand attention. These are the same vans whose owners airbrush nicknames on the side like "Stabbin Waggin’" and "GLM: Getting Laid Machine." These are classy automobiles.

I’d love a Heavy Roller, but the gas mileage sucks, they’re very hard to find in decent condition, and you better know how to turn a wrench if you’re buying one. I sold off most my tools on my first adventure and I don’t have a garage capable of getting such a fine machine road-worthy, so it’s not looking good.

That leaves it between conversion vans from the mid 80s - early 2000s and full-sized Summer Camp-style vans. I have a “shoestring” budget, which doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a buyer’s market with these tanks, and people are desperate to move their pedophile-friendly wheels out of their driveways ASAP.

Craigslist is the home of good deals, scams, and morons. I’m hoping to come up on one of the good deals; I’m currently scanning the state to see if I can’t come up on a gem. Time will tell what type of wheels I end up with and where it will end up bringing me.

If any lurkers of The Boardr know of any rad vans for sale – hit us up. Sean is lookin’!