Million Dollar Ideas for Longboarders

Posted by Rob Meronek on Saturday, October 19, 2013

How far are we into this longboard takeover? Has it been 10 years yet? It's been mind-blowing to see some of the products born from this rise in "no tricks" skateboarding. There are Kickstarters getting funded and other wacky inventions focused on this new leisure for people of all ages, especially old ages. I've got a few to contribute to the mix. Take one and run with it! Thank me later after your first million.

Longboard Brakes

When you get going over two miles per hour, that's when you're safety dance kicks in and you start thinking about slowing down. Only Fred Flinstone would put a foot down for that. You need something legit. How about brakes for your longboard? Oh damn, that already exists. Okay, they beat you to the punch, but you're cashing in on this next idea. Bonus upsell item: longboard parachute deployment mechanism.

Longboard Tennis Ball Wheels

I would imagine anyone retiring from real skateboarding would end up using a longboard. All those aging skateboarders are going to need something to keep them moving. Tennis ball back wheels! Yep, it's not a walker, it's a pusher. Handlebars like a scooter and the super safety tennis ball back wheels mean you can keep the dream alive. Bonus upsell item: longboard coffins.

Longboard Baby Stroller

How about a baby holder? Hahahaha uh, ha, what? Wow, that already exists, too. Damn, next idea. Hopefully you already made your first million on the longboard walker. Bonus upsell item: longboard baby changing table.

Longboard Air Conditioning

If you're trying to longboard instead of skateboard, you're probably not going to be down for uncomforts like air temperatures outside of comfortable room temperatures and unsightly perspiration. Yep, you need longboard air conditioning. Stick a genny on the back of the board and one of those crazy air machines that blows the wild stick man you see in front of car dealerships and other Florida redneck bid'nisses and you got yourself a Kickstarter project for longboard a/c and enough funding to cool the whole neighborhood like your dad complained about. Bonus upsell item: longboard oxygen tanks.

Longboard Foot Bath

When your pigges are taking a casual Mongolian stroll to the market, keep them dipped in a bubbly tub of Evian with this longboard foot bath. Straight heavenly. Please remove your Tevas for this adventure. By now you're on your third million and the path is paved with rose petals. Bonus upsell item: longboard imported Persian rug grip tape.

Longboard Executive Conference Table

Have the longboarders started joking about how their "units" are larger and longer than each other's yet? Talkin' about Asians and their short boards? Flaunt your super sized member that doubles as a bid'niss prop so you can get right down to having all those meetings about your millions. Make sure to always sit at the head of the executive conference table longboard to show them who is boss. Bonus upsell item: longboard bar for 5pm happy hour.

And there you have it. Get to work on your longboard empire! Leave your ideas for more million dollar longboard schemes in the comments below, please.